Valentine's Day

After four years in a relationship, this was the first time for me to spend Valentine's Day by myself. For me, the day passed as if it was just any other day. For the past years, February 14 had always been my special day to make my loved one feel unique, as if she was the only one in the world I would offer my life to, I would greet her as if there was no tomorrow and I would buy her flowers to make her feel special and feel like she was someone way above everybody else. But now, as I saw couples hold hands, girls in school holding bouquets, and guys going out of their way to impress their crushes, I just felt envious of them, I wanted that old feeling back, a feeling that tingles inside, a feeling that would lead to you to get excited because this was the day you would give all your best efforts to show how much you love your partner. It could be an expression that you could give any other day, but for Valentine's, you would want it to be special...I would have wanted it to be special.

So what did I do on Valentine's Day? Practically the things that I would do on any normal day. I ate breakfast in the morning, went to school to take the CISCO exam, went to our thesis laboratory, and attended my CS175 class for the Macromedia Flash lesson and for the quiz. After that, I just went back to the thesis laboratory, checked my e-mail, and planned for our scheduled group project for tomorrow. I also went to Mateo Ricci to hang out and jam with some Gabayanos. By 7pm, I already left school and went to the mall to buy a black ink cartridge for the thesis lab's printer. When I got home, I didn't even eat dinner (so I'm kind of feeling hungry right now...). I just watched the 40 Year Old Virgin DVD to kill time. Well, in fairness, it was a really funny movie and it made me smile and laugh a lot, hehe. After then, I find myself here blogging and ranting about my not-so-special day.

So what now? A question somehow bothers me...

"What kind of love do I deserve?"

I don't want to rant about my past relationship nor do I want to look back at the past. I should be looking forward; however, to be honest, I just couldn't. Maybe, this is the reason why I have been feeling lost. More than 5 months has passed and for each day that passes, I just get more and more confused about everything. I want to go back to the time when I knew that there was someone special out there who would show me that she loves me as I am. I want to go back to the time when I would really go out of my way to show that I love her and that she is everything to me. I want that feeling back in me, I want that special someone to share my life with...But I guess I just can't have it now. In all honesty, I really do miss her, but I guess, it wasn't for us.

However, I am still an optimistic person and I always look at the bright side of things. So, for the sake of Valentine's Day, I just want to congratulate the present couples who I know (at least one person in the pair) and who love each other very much. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!

I will be waiting for my moment. I will be waiting for the time when I will find the love I deserve, but for the record, I believe that only I have the right to know the love that I truly deserve. I will get to enjoy the special Hearts Day once again, someday.